I’m alone tonight. Staying at my soon-to-be in-laws house and feeling contemplative. A friend of mine is caring for her father as his health deteriorates. I saw photos she uploaded of them growing up and it reminds me of my grandmother passing a few years back. Nobody can say they know how you feel because they don’t, but somehow they want to help. I want to help.

Balance is never something I did very well. It was either working like mad or laying around on the weekends, but never anywhere in between. The one thing that dying changes is how you focus your life – they increase the contrast in your life and remind you that your problems mean nothing compared with that of death. Each day we walk through life complaining about work, weather, the housing market, my relationship… when all along we have the luxury of experiencing life, which is something not many do.

My grandmother passed away slowly as the cancer consumed her. Even in the last days she was joking and speaking german with me. My dad was there and we bought beers together. She was calm and accepting of this time in her life, but for those who loved her it was painful.

The one thing that really helped me was talking to a friend who told me that although she had accepted her death I needed to also. To tell her all the things I had always wanted to and have no regrets after her passing. That advice allowed me to have closure on someone very close to me in my life.

and if that does not help, there is always this.

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