Esquire piece on Heath Ledger

I really enjoyed this, mostly fictional, account of Heath Ledger’s last days.

After I died, people dissected me. They put words in my mouth: This is how he felt when he wrote this, this is what he thought of me, this is why he did it. Fuck them. But also bless them. They made me famous. Immortal. Suddenly, my songs, which once were strange and ill-conceived, now were fat with meaning. When you die, you become a Virgin Mary, an untouchable exalted thing with a golden breast and a mink brow. You lose yourself, and they win you. You have no voice, and so a million people breathe and talk for you. Your art is their art. Your casket is their temple, your last words are their next ten commandments.

 

Getting what you have, not what you want

“Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted if you didn’t have it.”

- Garrison Keillor, A Prairie Home Companion

 

Substantial decisions from inconclusive evidence

Very rarely do we know all the details and impact of the substantial decisions we make.  Oh, we think we know them but there is no way to prove this.  Many times people attempt to make altruistic decisions that end up having a long term negative impact.  Other times people try to do good but it is perceived as evil and thus never takes off.  With the increase of information, the “optics” of a situation are often more important than the reality itself, which mind you is rarely ever fully known (see above.)  The high flow of information should theoretically make it easier to address this problem but usually this decreases the signal-to-noise ratio.

So we make the best decision we can with the evidence we are given.  But there is spin – the sounds around us that sway our decision one way or another.  Instead of having all the facts we look at the end result and pick that path we think will get us there.  But there are side effects to taking this prescribed medicine that are not always evident.  Side effects we could never have imaged because we don’t understand every facet of every market and industry.

For example, some people may want to increase military levels, but do not consider the residuals of an increased veterans administration,  increased GI bill, and an increase in so many other areas.

I don’t feel hindered by this dilemma but find it peculiar and interesting.  Sometimes you find yourself in a position of knowing what another person really wants and watch them make poor decisions based on misinformation.  Entire countries have been raised and taken down in the name of a common goal – leaving people asking, “was that goal accomplished?”

Revolutionaries are dangerous when they are misdirected.

 

Favorite Dilbert of all time

This has to be my favorite Dilbert cartoon of all time.  I laughed when I read it and every day for a week when I re-read it.

 

Deweaponizing Permanence

The mind offers protectionism against our fears, but this can sometimes lead to stagnation. It’s not a voluntary act, but more a learned experience. The government is an expert at this art. The information security community leverages it to impose their will on the masses. They even have a term for it: FUD – fear, uncertainty, and doubt.

But better than any social experiment, our mind is a master of illusion and perception augmentation. We can see this easily in the movies we watch. Anyone watching a scary movie knows the point at which fear enters the picture. The camera closes in on a character leaving the viewer unable to see anything but their face. This triggers a reaction in the viewers mind about the infinite number of things that could befall this character. Out mind is almost trained to enumerate the fearful possibilities and recite them to ourselves.

Left unchecked, this fear can be debilitating. In its best forms we call it complacency and in its worst we call it insanity. So we build structures against such fear. We arm ourselves with weapons such as hope, faith, and through the lives of our heroes. Some religious groups will literally say they are “putting on the full armor or god” in order to do battle with the devil, for which fear is a material or mental manifestation.

One of these protective structures is permanence. We believe… we must believe that some things are permanent, even if just in the short term. We believe that we will live past tomorrow, or else people would do erratic things and chaos would ensue. We believe that we will grow old, or else we would never prepare for something we call ‘retirement’. We believe that strangers on the street will not randomly attack us, or else we would quickly become a society of roaming fear mongers. Society works because fear is contained and fed to us in only small and predictable doses. Fear can sometimes even make one feel safe and provide a central theme to unite a group of people.

What would happen if there was ever a loss of our beliefs or a fracture of the permanence that we so carefully rely on? Some might argue that chaos would follow and thus the argument for keeping people feeling safe and secure. But what about those things that cannot be controlled? The smaller things, that based on their very nature, no government or society can contain?

Things like a relationship break up, death in the family, divorce, pain, solitude, shame? The list goes on and on. These are things that cannot be controlled and thus cannot offer permanence. These are the things that Reinhold Niebuhr thought of when he wrote the Serenity Prayer.

accept the things I cannot change,
have courage to change the things I can
and have the wisdom to know the difference

I couple this with the quote from Fight Club that says, “It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.” Fear exists within us all and it’s only when you free yourself of it that you can ever accomplish the things you imagine and desire. It’s only after you know, not just acknowledge, that some day things will change. You will no longer like chocolate, you will want children, you will learn that you always wanted to be something you were not, and then you will die.

It’s only after we confront our fears and take action that we can ever move beyond our current state of mind. It’s only after we step out into the abyss with our eyes wide open that we can ever evolve into something more than we currently are.

Oscar Levant is quoted as saying “there is a fine line between genius and insanity.” I do not believe this means that genius is close to insanity, but that insanity can remove the barriers in ones mind and enable them to see beyond their current static form and imagine the impossible.

My favorite quote is that “nothing is impossible, the impossible just takes longer.” To say this and believe it is one step closer to deweaponizing permanence, and for me one step closer towards happiness.

 

Indie movie

I rejoyed watching Four Eyed Monster on YouTube, but didn’t donate or buy any of their stuff. I feel a little bad. I gave $2 to a stranger on the street out of guilt but didn’t give $3 to these artists who worked and then hoped for money.

The movie made me remember making mixed tapes, writing letter, sending emails, and chatting online. The mode of communication is slowed down and requires the speaker to think about what they say before saying it.

I really enjoyed this movie.

Update: ok, I ordered the DVD.

 

Bond Bunny Theatre

I am really worn out on security and other things I normally write about.  I am staying away from my RSS feeds and all normal web sites I visit.  So I googled “bunnies” and found this great site with 30-Second Bunnies Theatre Library

I like the James Bond reenactment with bunnies.

 

I’ll just pretend to hug you until you get here

 

Happy Australia Day

A warm happy Australia Day to all the Aussies out there.  I heard on the radio today that it is also “Have Fun at Work Day” (or a variant thereof).  I imagine the “happy” or “fun” branded days here are a result of the Australian influence. =)

Either way, try to have fun this weekend!

 

CISSP study guides

Here’s a link to a set of very useful CISSP study guides/books.  I remember studying these books the night before the exam with Dieter, my Chicago friend (now in WI).  Kudos to him for sending me this link every time I want to give it out to someone.